I thought I had lost these photos, so I never bothered telling the story because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. So, now that I have found the images, here is the story.

Around 8 years ago while I was living with my girlfriend Helen, I decided to brew some vodka. Someone had bought me a “brew your own vokda” kit and I had never used it. I checked around the house and had everything I needed, or so I thought.

I checked the instructions and the first step was to clean out the container with a sterilizing fluid. This was a problem as I didn’t have any and didn’t really want to go to the shops to get it. So, I just scrubbed the container harder. Yea, that’ll do the trick.

The vodka finally brewed and the charcoal (used to filter it) settled to the bottom. I had added a shit load of sugar to try and increase the alcohol level, plus I had not added the “vodka flavoring” as I didn’t really like vodka, hence the reason I had never used the kit. The vodka flavoring, i figured, could be added later if we didn’t like the taste.

Myself and John consumed one and a half bottles. These were not really bottles, they were 15 liter glass brewing containers with a bubble system at the top so that no air could get in.

I totally forgot about the last container. I had set it upstairs for the charcoal to settle so I could get more out of it before cleaning the bottle and throwing out the sediment as I had done in the first bottle.

A month went by before my girlfriend one day said “there’s something in that bottle upstairs and I’m not touching it”.

Curious and excited, John and myself ventured upstairs and were stunned by what we saw. At first I was sure that someone had stuffed a glove into the bottle. Bare in mind that this bottle had a negative CO2 atmosphere with a high alcohol content and a negative pressure.

I picked up the large glass bottle and rolled it over. This monster of a thing loomed at us from the darkness of the charcoal filled water. We both jumped back shouting “what the fuck”.

This thing looked alien. On the top was a light smooth looking layer that looked like a shammy that you use to dry you car with after washing it. But the underside was a darker orange colour, ridged with bumps and looked very tough. As we moved it around we found that the upper layer was very soft and the bumpy bottom was very tough.

I had never seen anything like it in my whole like. What the fuck was this thing? I contacted the British fungal association who replied very quickly confirming that I had created an entirely new fungi. Whoop Whoop! However I was becoming concerned as a few days had passed and my girlfriend, John and myself had all come down with a cold. I wondered if the bumps on the fungus were spores. The fungus was way too big to get out of the bottle neck without breaking it up, so I did the only manly thing to do. I sealed the bottle, put it in the attic and pretended it didn’t exist!

I was interested to hear from the British fungal association representative that fungi has been documented as growing in alcohol and fuel pipes. While rare, these extremophiles have been found almost everywhere including oil pipelines.

As you can see from the images I made a particular point of showing the fungi next to a ruler so that the exact dimensions could be seen. That’s a whole other story entirely. I found it funny that the only ruler I could find as an adult was one of my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rulers!

Call me a wimp, I will clean up anything, but would you want to get this thing out of a bottle?

Today I had a nice sunday roast with pork, crackling, vegetables and gravy. This will be my last sunday in the uk, so I had requested a sunday roast. Here are a few pics of it.

The weather has really been giving me a treat. First, there was a white Christmas, the first one I have seen in over 29 years. Now, on the final week of me being in the uk, it rains constantly.

I went out for a walk today and took my camera along. I managed to get a few pics of the countryside, river Tyne and the gloomy, angry looking sky.

A lot of people I know are going through some big changes, problems and issues. In these times, some songs ring true.

For me, these include;

Continue Reading »

As another week begins, I realize that it is my final week in the uk.

In just 7 days, I will be on a British Airways flight between Heathrow and Hong Kong, en route to Manila.

I have spent the previous week saying goodbye to most of my friends. The remaining friends are yet to contact me or reply. Funny how some things show who your real friends are.

Well, I guess this is it. The countdown is upon me and I am rushing to get everything completed before I have to leave for the airport.

As the time draws closer to my departure, I am ticking off one item at a time. I now have my passport in hand, most of my clothes are ready to be packed, I have bought a new camera tripod, had most of my injections for my trip, had the maximum acupuncture to try and stabilize the collapsed disks in my lower spine and finally, I have collected the currency I ordered.

I will naturally be ordering more currency in different forms, but for the time being this is the cold hard cash I will be carrying with me, sixteen thousands pesos in all.

As my departure grows nearer (currently just 10 days away), I grow nervous and excited at the prospects facing me.

I am not alone in my hatred and growing sickness towards the uk. I know many people who live in the uk and almost every single one of them is sick and wants out. Good luck to you all. We all need our dreams.

What I have been though and my friends are going through reminds me of a song called “Night Train” by the Bouncing Souls. Here are the lyrics:

Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
One last long embrace.
Let go and walk on through.

I’m leaving everything behind for a peace that I can’t find.
The ghosts that roam this house
like winter air right through our souls.
And it feels like dying.
It just feels like time to go.

Going down south to dream another dream.
Maybe check out Memphis, Tennessee.
Take the night train and an extra pair of jeans.
Can’t think of anything else I really need.
And all my experiences ride with me.

This town is dead to me.
And I can’t stop chasing my dreams.
I love you more than anything,
but what you want I could never be.
I love you more than anything,
but only alone can we both be free.

Goodbye to me and you.
Goodbye to the life we knew.
Wipe the tears from your eyes.
Let go and walk on through.

It also reminds me of another song by the Bouncing Souls called “Better Things”, the two lines that really stick to mind are:

Here is hoping all the days ahead
Won’t be as bitter as the ones behind you

It snowed again today, but as the sun came up, it quickly melted away. I took a few pics and 2 videos while outside this morning.

I was about to make a post when I noticed that people had been visiting my website via google when searching for “why my philippine gf so bitch”. I thought I would address this question before making another post.

So, you have a girlfriend in the philippines that you think is a bitch? What is worst, your gf being a bitch, or you being so fucking soft that you ask google for answers? If your gf is a bitch, ditch her. Do you really need google to tell you that? You deserve someone better than her and she surely deserves someone who wont go to friggin google everytime they have a problem with their relationship. What are you? a mouse?

What do you want? A butch gf? Go to russia!

So, go find someone else. If I see you on my site again I will find out where you live and stand outside with a huge sign saying “Why my website visitors so pussy?”

Note: my website is now #1 globally on google and other search engines when searching for “why my philippine gf so bitch?”. Maybe the above post will help some fools searching google for advice. Get a life. Be a man damn it!

Let me get a few things clear here. For anyone that isn’t close enough to have heard it straight from me, I had planned to concentrate on my work and move to spain. But then I met an absolutely amazing woman in the philippines. One of the concerns she raised was “would my friends and family be ok with me dating someone of another race”. My immediate reply was “wtf? if anyone has a problem, fuck them, its their problem and not mine”.

However, I find it interesting that I am faced with different problems than I envisioned. When I tell people about my girlfriend, they will normally say “be careful she may be a man”. Is that a fact? Show me just one story of someone you know where that happened. You dumb bastard you’re thinking of Thailand! Not a single person who has said this has ever been able to give an actual documented example. It was always “i read somewhere…” or “it was a friend of a friend of a friend who I’ve never met…”

Everyone who says this to me is below me in the scale of IQs. I have to say “do you seriously think I haven’t thought of this”. For gods sake, if you know me, I was likely your boss for at least a few years. You should know how cunning I am and how much I think of possibilities. I was responsible for over £1′000′000 per year on average. Do you honestly think I would not think about every eventuality so that my back was covered in every conceivable outcome.

Granted, my girlfriend is called “Ian”. But I wonder why people warn be about her being a man and then fail to provide any evidence at all except some story someone they know once heard.

If you are seriously going to shed doubt on this, how do I know I can trust you? How do I know you do not have an ulterior motive?

Here’s a deal, every time you warn me of this without anything less than heresay, I will punch you in the stomach I think that’s only fair.

If you called my Fender Strat Californian Series guitar a Les Paul, I would beat 7 shades of shit out of you, so do not think I would do any less for what you may say about my girlfriend! ok? ok!

Today I sold my PC as a whole unit, plus a few extras. It was depressing to say the least. She is and always was my baby. Now I’ve sold her to someone else.

While I got what I wanted, it was still not a lot.

Here us what I got:

19 Inch Monitor: £20
Graphics Card: £20
6 GHZ Processor, M2+ Motherboard, 2 x Maxtor 250 GB HDDs with 32 MB cache, 1 x Maxtor 250 GB with 16 MB Cache HDD, 1 x Samsung 300 GB with 16 MB Cache HDD, 2 x 2 GB DDR 3 Ram: £90

So, a beautiful system that cost £1000 to build, I sold for just £130. But at least it got a good home. Still it is depressing. However it is more money I can spend on my baby