5uperman.com

I have been through some tough times, as has everyone I know. Most are still going through tough times. When you’re up to  your neck in bullshit it can be hard to see a time when things will change.

When the memory is a blank page,
and the teeth in your mouth are all cliches,
Your heart is a bag of rocks,
and your soul is a pile of ashes on the sidewalk

wait out the days,
till death comes to claim,
anything that life didn’t already take,
we’ll wait out the days

“Wait out the days” by Rocky Votolato

When everything you do goes wrong, you know there’s only two options. Start hanging the noose from the rafters, or turn a page and fight like a motherfucker.

It’s so hard to wanna fight, when you wish you were never born

“Ya Can’t go home” by Leftover Crack

I have always been a fighter. I refused to lie down and accept bad news. When I collapsed 3 disks in my spine, the doctor told me “your back will get progressively worse, there is nothing we can do to stop it. If you have children in the future you will not be able to pick them up without pain from your spine”. Like fuck. I refused to accept that. I fought against it at every stage and the end result was that I am now in a tropical climate where my back hardly ever hurts.

I was in so many relationships that went nowhere and I was left with less than I had at the beginning of the relationship. Not that I am materialistic, but well I guess I am in part. Everyone likes the things they have bought or built up during their life and to constantly end up worse than you were when the relationship started is very hard to take and when it happens every time, you wonder how much more you can take. Picking yourself up after a fight is one thing, but when do you throw the towel in?

So, here I am in the philippines and I was heading to a meeting. It was in the next building to mine and as I walked along the street, I looked up at the skyline of manila with the sun gently setting behind it and realized how lucky I am. I have everything that I want, but with that also comes fear. The higher I become elevated from the person I was, the further I have to fall and the harder I will hit the floor. It’s like climbing a rock face and looking down.

He never thought someone would come along,
And show him a feeling he’s always dreamed of

“Road to Recovery” by Rufio

When I look back, I can barely recognize the me that got off the plane just 4 weeks ago. Unhappy, discontented and doubting my luck. So much has happened, I have met so many people and become instantly happy, primarily  due to the way Ian and I connected and almost live in each others heads, we know what the other is thinking without a single word being uttered. We keep joking that if we were from the same country, we would be checking our family tree to see if we were related. Here I have almost everything I want, the only thing missing are the good friends I have in the uk, but with a little time I am sure I can get them living here or at least making long visits.

Got out of bed today,
I’m in love, what can I say,
I’m really happy to be,
somewhere with someone who makes me happy,

I took the bus downtown,
all day long I walked around,
I looked at all the sights,
and thought about how lucky I am now,

I was sick of feeling down,
so I gave it all away,
2’000 from all I know,
I’m so much better off today,

I’m still waiting for the world,
to come crashing down again,
And I’m still waiting for someone,
to call me up and tell me you’re dead,

You make me smile so wide,
when I look into your eyes,
when you’re not around,
you know you’re somewhere stuck inside my mind,

So I here I am today,
I was lost for 20 years,
I found clarity,
the day i took a chance and moved away

“How I spent my summer vacation” by The Ataris

I guess what I’m saying is that for all my friends in hard times, hang tough, your time will come. If unlucky Dave can find happiness, you can be sure you can too, but you need to plan in small steps. And if in the end you can’t find happiness, come see me, a litre of vodka is £1.30 and a twenty pack of marlboro is £0.51! Talk about a good night out for under a fiver! Granted, it’s not a named brand of vodka, but it won’t make you go blind like the illegal polish shit in the uk and it won’t make your teeth go black or grow monsters in your attic!